If a child is experiencing abuse, telling someone they trust that it’s happening can be one of the most difficult things they will ever do. In a lot of cases, they will be scared of the consequences, or might believe that what was done to them is normal, or not something to talk about. As a guardian or trusted person, you might never have imagined that a child in your life would come to you and tell you that someone is causing them harm, and it is completely normal to feel out of your depth, and not know how to keep them safe.
At Crockett & Co Solicitors, we specialise in cases where there has been alleged non-accidental injury to children, and we want families to have the support and knowledge they need to seek help and protection when the unthinkable happens.
Reasons why children reveal abuse
One of the most important things to do when a child discloses abuse is to believe them. You shouldn’t question them, or make them feel like they are being interrogated, or like they’ve done anything wrong by telling you.
It is very difficult for a child to tell someone that someone is hurting them, and understanding why they have decided to reach out is not important when you are deciding what to do about it, but it should be kept in mind. This is because they may be at further risk of harm, or the abuse escalating further.
The most common reasons why children choose to tell someone they trust about abuse are:
- They have realised that it is wrong
- It is getting worse, or the nature of the abuse has changed
- Someone has asked them a direct question about it
- They are struggling to cope
- They want the abuser to be punished
- They have noticed that the abuser has started hurting someone else
What to say to a child who discloses abuse
How you respond to the child can be very important. You may want to find out all the details, and it can be easy to get angry, but making sure they feel safe and heard is the most important part of the process.
The NSPCC outlines the following steps as guidance on what to say when a child discloses abuse:
1. Listen carefully
Listen carefully to what they are saying, and be patient as they explain what happened to them. It might take them some time to explain, and they may get emotional.
Don’t ask them complicated questions that force them to relive the abuse, or feel like they’re being questioned about what happened. Although it can be difficult, try not to respond with your own feelings as signs of negative emotion like anger or shock could lead them to believe they have done something wrong.
It can also be common for children to get details wrong, change them, or muddle their words. This doesn’t mean that they are lying, and is a very normal response to abuse.
2. Give them the tools to talk
Children who have been abused can find it difficult to explain what happened in words because abuse can come with complicated feelings like shame and confusion which impacts how they process what happened.
They might not want someone to look at them whilst they explain, or the emotion might be too big for them to explain verbally or by signing.
Asking them to write you a letter can give them the tools they need to open up with less pressure than a face to face conversation. It can help to give them prompts, such as:
- ‘What has happened is…’
- ‘This has been happening for this long…’
- ‘I would like you to help me by…’
3. Don’t make comments about the abuser
It is very important not to make any comments, positive, negative, or otherwise about their abuser. Keep in mind that they have a relationship with their abuser, and they already will have conflicting feelings, so adding your opinions can make this more confusing for them.
If you say something positive, they may think that you are doubting them.
4. Take them seriously
Tell them that you believe them and want to help.
Many children won’t tell someone they’re being abused because they think they won’t be believed, or they may have already told someone and not been believed. You need to reassure them that you are taking what they’ve told you seriously.
They also need to be told that they’ve done the right thing by telling you. They will have doubts, and it’s important that they hear this.
5. Say it’s not their fault
It is likely that they will have been made to believe that the abuse was their fault. When children experience violence, they are almost always told that they have done something to make it happen, and when someone tells them that they aren’t to blame, it can be very powerful.
You might not think so, but they need to hear it spoken out loud.
6. Don’t confront the abuser
Confronting an abuser can make the abuse worse and put the child at further risk. It is very important that you take action, but confrontation creates a higher safeguarding risk.
7. Tell the child what you plan to do
Never leave the child out of your plans to report the abuse. They need to be kept informed about what you plan to do, and how you plan to help them.
If anything changes, update them on what the changes are.
8. Report the abuse
Report the abuse as soon as you can. The child may ask you not to, but for their safety and the safety of others who may be at risk, you must contact someone.
The sooner you report the abuse, the fresher the details will be in your mind which means you are unlikely to give skewed information.
You should report child abuse to your local council, or call 999 if the child is at immediate risk.
If you are unsure who to report to, or you are not the legal guardian of the child, then you can contact the NSPCC or Childline. For yours and the child’s protection, the Childline number will not show up on your phone bill if you call them.
If the child has reported abuse from a teacher or someone who is responsible for their education, then contact the NSPCC.
What happens when you report child abuse?
Depending on who you contact and how quickly action needs to be taken, the process will be different. However, in most cases, the following steps will be taken:
- You will be asked to give the child’s name, age, location and information about the alleged abuser.
- You will speak to a child protection specialist about your concerns, the nature of the alleged abuse and any additional information you have about the child’s circumstances.
- An assessment will be made about the next steps.
- The child protection specialist will then contact the police if they believe the child is at risk and make a report. If the child is in immediate danger, they may send the police to intervene immediately.
Other things to keep in mind
When a child discloses abuse, we also advise that you:
- Don’t let the child swear you to secrecy, but make sure you keep them updated about the actions you are taking to help them
- Find a neutral space to discuss the abuse where you are unlikely to be overheard or interrupted so they know they are safe to speak
- Do not promise them that things will get better immediately, because this is not true
- Be honest
- Only tell people that need to know, such as child support or a trusted person who can keep you together during this time. The child’s privacy should be protected, and their trust in you should be respected
- Do not put words in their mouth. Giving them prompts can interfere with the story they are giving you, and they need to tell you in their own words so you can gain an accurate idea of what has actually happened
- Stay calm. This will be the most difficult part of listening, but it is important that you don’t respond in extremes
At Crockett & Co Solicitors, we specialise in childcare law and can help you access Care Orders and Supervision Orders including interim Orders and applications made on an urgent basis, and Emergency Protection Orders if a child discloses abuse. We have experience helping families through cases where there has been an alleged case of non accidental injury.
We advise that you contact us as soon as possible so that we can be by your side throughout the difficult process of child protection.
We recognise that when a child discloses abuse, whether they are your own child, a student or a family friend, it can be distressing, disorienting and overwhelming, and we want to help you as much as we can while you fight for their safety. That’s why our solicitors are available to provide advice and support, no matter where you are in the legal process. This includes providing publicly funded legal advice. Money should never be a barrier when it comes to safeguarding children, and we are committed to ensuring that anyone who is entitled to legal aid receives it.
Contact Us today.
