Domestic Abuse: How to Access Support

Domestic Abuse: How to Access Support

Domestic abuse is frightening, and deciding to leave your partner, or distance yourself from your family member can take its toll emotionally. But, it is important that you know help is out there, and you are far from alone.

For those experiencing domestic abuse, it can be hard knowing who to turn to or how to find help. At Crockett & Co Solicitors, we believe that knowing how to access support, who to contact in an emergency, and how to keep yourself safe is the first step towards rebuilding your life on your own terms.

Signs of domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is any behaviour, physical or spoken, that allows your partner or a member of your family, to have control over you. You may feel like you have changed the way you act, or have to be careful about what you say because you’re scared of what they might do.

Accepting that someone is treating you in an abusive way is difficult, and you may have found reasons to justify their behaviour, or you may have been made to believe that this is your fault. But, if someone is causing you harm, you are not responsible.

And, recognising behaviours that aim to control you can empower you to seek support, and find ways to regain autonomy over your life.

If you can answer ‘yes’ to any of the following, then you may be experiencing domestic abuse.

Does your partner or relative:

  • Hit, slap or kick you?
  • Push or shove you around?
  • Bite, burn or choke you?
  • Throw things to hurt or frighten you?
  • Threaten you with harm?
  • Belittle you?
  • Make you feel responsible for their behaviour?
  • Deny their behaviour or make you feel like you’re going crazy?
  • Isolate you from family and friends?
  • Control your work life?
  • Control your finances?
  • Accuse you of things you haven’t done?
  • Monitor your phone, laptop, or social media?
  • Threaten their own life if they don’t get their way?
  • Harass or stalk you?

It is important to know that you don’t have to have experienced all of these to be at risk of domestic violence. If you feel unsafe in the relationship, trust your gut and contact someone who can support you.

How to seek support for domestic abuse

Seeking support for domestic abuse is difficult. It can take a long time to realise that you need to leave, and it is normal to feel a wide range of emotions. If you love the person who is causing you harm, then it is natural to feel conflicted, but know that your safety is valued, important and worth fighting for.

It is also natural to feel scared that something bad will happen, which is why finding the right support will make all the difference. You will be able to find refuge, community, and people who will ensure that you are protected.

1. Build a network of support

If you feel comfortable, speak with a trusted friend, family member, or doctor. This can be a powerful first step because they will be able to help you navigate your next steps.

This can be difficult if your abuser is monitoring your phone activity, so make sure you find a way to confide in them without it being traced. Building a network of support, even if this is only one person, can bring you security that you will need as you begin planning to leave or even press charges.

They can provide you with an unmonitored phone to contact helplines and refuges. You will be able to access emotional support from people who love you, which can give you the strength you need, and a safe person to go to when things get difficult emotionally.

Doctors and healthcare professionals will have access to support, and be able to provide you with any treatment or referrals to mental health services that you may need.

They are also bound by confidentiality, so nothing you say to them will get back to your abuser.

2. Use digital safety tools

Technology can be both a tool for abuse and an essential way to get help. If your abuser monitors your phone, computer, or social media, use a safer device (like a friend’s phone) to contact support services.

You should also clear your browser history after searching for help online, and it can be best to do this when your abuser is not in the home so that deleting your browser history doesn’t raise any questions or suspicions.

Refuge has some fantastic advice on how to secure your tech.

3. Seek help from domestic abuse support services

Many communities have shelters, women’s refuges, or local support groups that can offer a safe place to stay if you need to leave an abusive situation. They can provide not only accommodation but also emotional support, legal advice, and assistance in rebuilding your life.

It is important to remember that ending an abusive relationship doesn’t always end the abuse, and having support from domestic abuse refuges will be essential in keeping you safe and protected without judgement.

We recommend:

4. Contact the police

Contacting the police will build up a written record of times when you have experienced domestic violence from your partner. They may take photos of your injuries, ask to see any threatening messages, and take a statement that can help with your defence when applying for a court order or a restraining order.

This evidence is really important, and can also give you an essential level of protection if you decide to press charges against your abuser. 

5. Apply for a restraining order

A restraining order will prevent your abuser from being able to contact you, and in some cases, come within a certain distance of you. This is one of the best things you can do to support your recovery from the relationship because it stops the abuse from continuing.

A restraining order can prevent your abuser from:

  • Contacting you
  • Contacting your friends, family or place of work 
  • Attending your home address or place of work
  • Accessing you through your children

There are two types of court order you can apply for:

  • Non-molestation order: Prevents an abuser from being able to contact you
  • Occupation orders: Prevents an abuser from being able to live in your family home, or buy a property within a certain distance of your home, place of work, or your children’s school

You can find more information here: How Do I File for a Restraining Order?

6. Prepare to leave

It is never too late to leave an abusive relationship. However, this is often the most dangerous time as abusers can become more controlling and violent in their attempt to convince you to stay.

This is why you need a safety plan.

You will need to make sure you have:

  • Emergency contacts: List trusted friends, family, or services you can call in a crisis.
  • A packed bag: Keep essential items like ID, medication, and money in a place where you can easily grab them if you need to leave quickly.
  • Escape routes: Identify safe routes out of your home or workplace and consider staying with a friend or relative if needed.
  • Child and pet care: Have a plan for the safety of your children and pets, especially if you’re in immediate danger. Try to take them with you otherwise it may harm your ability to get them back, and make custody battles more complicated. 

Domestic abuse organisations can help you create a practical plan that takes your specific circumstances into account, and Women’s Aid have a detailed resource on what to do if you want to leave your relationship safely: I Want To Leave My Relationship Safely.

Crockett & Co Solicitors want you to know that you are not alone, despite what you may believe. We understand how frightening this time can be, but we will be there for you every step of the way, and help you access legal aid if you decide to press charges.

Over our 30 years providing legal assistance to people in vulnerable situations, we have witnessed many people regain their freedom, and we want you to know that we will do everything in our power to make sure you and your family are safe.

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